Broken
by ScourgeHedgehog
Summary: Allen lived through many things, suffered greatly. He saw his family getting murdered before his very eyes. All they tell him is to keep walking and not looking back, but will he be able to keep on living and overcome the sadness and guilt that nag at him? Read and find out.
1. Prologue

He was completely broken. He had seen people reject him, his foster-father die before his very eyes. Had endured intense torment, pain, lost his family, the Black Order, once again. Tears streamed down his cheeks, hitting his horribly deformed arm. He couldn't save them... He was too late... Once again, he had been too weak to save all he cared for. Left behind was an empty shell of who he once was. Allen Walker. Damned to forever keep walking, making new friends and in the end have to watch them fall. His gaze left the ruins of the Black Order, the dead long-buried, searching for something in the sky. Little raindrops hit his face, mixing with his tears before falling to the ground. He hadn't saved them... The image of his friends, covered in blood with limbs scattered around them, was burned in his mind. The last thing Lavi said before the light left his eyes still there: „We'll forever be with you. Don't you ever forget that..."

If possible, he cried even more and sank to his knees. Why, just why did everything he cared for always get taken away from him? Just why?

Revenge. The Noah and the Millennium Earl already paid for their sins. Allen made sure to make their deaths quick.

„I'm not like you. I can't bear seeing people suffer, even the likes of you" , were the last words the baffled Noah heard in their life. Were the last words the bringer of pain heard before his life ended.

His arms were covered in blood. Silently he stared at nothing, not seeing the ruins he was standing in front of, before returning to the sacred place where the Asian Headquarters had been. Fresh tears lingered in his eyes, but he held them back. He had to get out of here or he would drown in self-pity. There was no use to mourn forever. He had promised them to keep walking. To keep walking was the only option. But he had nothing left in this world anymore, so he boarded the ark walking among the numerous doors. His head hung low, his clothing torn, his body covered in blood that was only partly his own. His friends had just died in front of his very eyes and he couldn't do a single damn about it! Anger boiled inside him, mostly directed at himself. His friends didn't even blame him! Maybe he could have dealt with this whole situation better if he lived with the hatred of his friends. He shook his head, temporally clearing his head of these thoughts. There was no use to them. What's done is done, and he couldn't change it.

Allen sighed and began crying once more. Usually he wasn't such a crybaby but now he just couldn't help it. Frustrated he threw a door open which lead to who-knows-where and stepped through it, aware of the tears still streaming down his face.

To say that the sight he was met with was unexpected would be an understatement. He stood in a hall with several benches and a bar, a stairway leading upstairs and_ many_ people, who seemed to have been partying just seconds ago. But now it was quiet, all eyes locked on him displaying curiosity and annoyance before, upon seeing him, turning into pure confusion and shock. Allen held his head down and slowly marched forward, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Whispers erupted but he honestly could care less about that. His way led him straight to the bar and a white-haired girl cleaning mugs. She, like everyone else, looked at him but the emotion in her eyes was concern. When the exorcist reached her she immediately said something like she'll get the 'master' and he only nodded, not caring the slightest bit. Sitting on one of the bar stools he couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to the incidents that occurred not 24 hours ago. Once again he felt tears threatening to spill but he held them back. Allen could feel the other persons staring at him, or more precisely the blood and his deformed arm. Just damn it all! He clenched his hands into fists, diving his nails in his palms, making them bleed. He gritted his teeth in a desperate attempt to not start crying but it was futile.

Not even two minutes later a very small man stood before him, trying to calm him down. He was probably wondering what the hell Allen wanted and _who he was for god's sake._ Well, Allen stopped hurting himself a few minutes later and composed himself before looking up to meet the old man's gaze. Quite a few gasps were heard upon seeing his curse, but he once again didn't care. In a soft voice the old man asked:

„What brings you here?"

Allen kept still for a couple of seconds, thinking about a response. However, none came to his mind so he simply whispered: „I'm lost."


	2. Chapter 1

The man looked into Allen's eyes that bore the lost and broken expression and didn't doubt what the man had said. While he may doesn't look like he lost his way around the town, he very well lost the sight of something very important. Something he was searching for at the moment. Allen himself though didn't really think he was lost. He also didn't think that he looked lost. He looked like he just came out of a huge massacre with the blood all over him. Blood of his _friends_ and his _enemies_. „First we should get you patched up, don't you think so Master?" , the woman asked awkwardly.

The 'Master' nodded in approval and Allen couldn't really believe what he was hearing. They were offering help? Just like that? He was surprised. As the whitette called for someone he could see out of the corner of his eyes a small blue haired girl approaching him. She also looked very concerned. If it was about him being here or the blood he didn't know. Next to her was flying a white cat. Hopefully he wasn't just imagining that cat.

When she approached him she hastily looked him up and down checking for injuries while asking several things like how he was feeling. Allen absentmindedly nodded, not bothering to listen or look at her at all. His whole body began to tingle suddenly and it was then that Allen noticed the blue light surrounding the little girl's hands. Slowly the aching pain he just realized he had vanished along with some of the exhaustion he felt, even if it was only his physical exhaustion. After several moments passed the light faded and with it the strange tingle.

"That's all I can do for you for now. By the way, I'm Wendy and this is Carla!" , she introduced herself and the cat with a smile, relieved that he was feeling better.

Allen looked at her and his fingers softly stroked over hers for a second before he nodded in thanks. He saw her slightly shivering because of his touch and instantly regretted it. He wasn't even an hour here and he already hurt someone. Sorrow came shooting back and the exorcist turned his head back to the bar as the white-haired spoke up, not wanting to look at the little girl anymore.

"You should get cleaned up. We can leave questions for later, just follow me now."

She painfully reminded him of Lenalee. The chinese woman has also been very kind. He was thinking about them again. He should get a hold of himself and look forward. But it was so hard to just forget what happened. Allen's world got ripped to pieces, one couldn't expect him to be cheerful. His expression went blank as the waitress took his hand in hers and lead him down a floor he didn't notice before. When they arrived at a door the woman opened it, revealing a bathroom. She softly pushed him in and said:

"Here's the bathroom. Towels are over there. I'll search for clothes for you." And with a gentle 'thud' the door closed behind him. Allen was still slightly baffled by the recent turn of events. That is, when he wasn't washed over with stronger, more negative emotions. Although he was a total stranger to these people they still helped him just like that. He just came strolling in saying he's lost and he got offered help. It didn't make sense. It didn't make sense at all! Shaking his head Allen discarded his clothes, letting them fall on the floor and stepping in the shower. It was all so surreal... Maybe he'll wake up to Kanda barking that he overslept and that they now were late for their mission... Or maybe he fell asleep in the library again, snuggled in a soft blanket. Lavi would then always laugh at him and pet his head like he was some sort of kitten... Shaking his head free of his thoughts he turned on the water and tried to relax to shake off this strange feeling. The feeling that something huge and heavy weighed him down. He wouldn't turn into an always crying mess because of this! The white-haired exorcist still felt a few tears escape. He began scrubbing off the blood covering his skin and watched the red water disappear. With all those memories resurfacing all the time, how should he be able to look ahead?

When the water finally wasn't stained red anymore and Allen felt that he was finally clean he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, drying himself off with an other. His gaze shifted to a pile of clothes. The woman must have brought them when he was in the shower. Slightly shrugging he dressed in simple black clothing, leaving his dirty clothes on the ground and going back to the bar. Upon his return he was immediately met with curious stares as he sat on his previous bar stool. As expected the kind warmhearted woman was standing behind the counter.

"Welcome back. My name is Mirajane, what's yours?" , the whitette asked smiling.

Allen though kept quiet and mustered her for a second before hanging his head low. He didn't even know why he didn't answer. It was like his mouth was sealed. Her eyes gained a sympathetic glance, misinterpreting his silence. She asked him a few more questions but he wouldn't answer any of them. He wanted to speak but he just... couldn't. With a barely audible sigh she walked away, leaving him alone. Nobody else tried talking with him seeing that it was pointless to try. After a while Mirajane returned with food, telling him to at least eat something. But Allen didn't touch it, he just sat there, staring at the wooden counter. Stared at the counter like his life depended on it. Maybe his sanity depended on it a little. You don't know how distracting a counter can be when you put your mind to it. And at the moment Allen was very dedicated to not think about his, you could say, traumatic experience.

Hours passed by and he didn't move from his spot resuming to just look at the counter. People got irritated by that but the exorcist didn't register it. Just like he didn't register that he was still sitting there. He was thinking about his current situation and this strange 'Master' even when he deemed it pointless to think about it.

Three days passed like that. Allen would just sit there, not moving an inch, not eating. He didn't even sleep! He was pale and sickly thin, with big bags under his eyes. He looked more dead than alive which was exactly how he felt. He couldn't die anyway, only suffer, so it didn't really matter how he felt. In the end though, he couldn't distract himself anymore. He blamed himself for the deaths of his precious family. If he'd been there sooner he could have saved them all! But instead he was slow like hell, letting himself get involved with things he didn't have anything to do with. After all he just had to report to Komui and it wasn't like his friends would be there anyway. Yeah, right. That's what he got for slacking off. He gritted his teeth, diving his nails in his palms again. He noticed Mirajane looking worriedly at him. Allen wanted to give her a reassuring smile but he found that he couldn't move his lips. Curse his body for betraying him. Oh, the irony of that thought. She wouldn't have believed him anyway. If she really was like Lenalee, then she would have seen through his façade right away. He would never understand how she did that. Suddenly he felt someone gently open his hands. He turned his head slightly and saw that Wendy-girl. She was actually the only one who would touch him, whereas it was only to stop Allen from hurting himself. Again, he was met with a concerned look. Why were they all so damn concerned about him? They didn't know who he was but they still let him sit there, ruining the whole atmosphere in the process.

He knew more about them. From what he heard and felt, those people possessed magic. While he didn't know how that worked the exorcist knew that the ark could travel through dimensions. So at least that was kind of an explanation. They also seemed to be part of a guild, doing requests and such.

Suddenly, the big front door Allen came through flew open and someone yelled: "WE'RE BACK!"


	3. Chapter 2

Allen flinched slightly. While he was used to the usual ruckus in the guild by now, this yell was extremely loud and extremely _hurtful_. Shouts like 'Welcome back!' erupted from everywhere and so it was probably some of the guild's members who came back. Now he just had to make sure he wouldn't see their faces. He didn't need more memories resurfacing, adding fuel to the flames. The flames of pain. A little strange to compare but he felt like the recent events were burned in his mind, destroying his old self. Allen made sure to keep his head extra low, it was enough that Mirajane reminded him of Lenalee... Well done, now he felt his tears again. Sadly, he felt a presence coming towards him, sitting on a bar stool next to him. He felt curious eyes burning his skin. How ironic that he just compared the deaths of his family to burn marks...

"Hello Lucy!" , the waitress exclaimed cheerfully. "The usual I guess?"

"Hey Mira. Nice to see you! The usual would be nice, those guys really know how to get under my skin!" , a female voice answered exhausted.

Allen wanted to slap himself when he found himself searching his mind for someone he knew to compare to this woman. He was either really turning insane or he was a masochist. Didn't he just say he wouldn't do that? Why would he plaque himself even more? He was whining about not being able to move on but on the other side he made it as hard as it could be. Gritting his teeth again he couldn't help but listen to the conversation taking place between the two women, wondering why he couldn't just block their voices out.

"How was your mission?"

"Good, I guess. Natsu and Gray destroyed some stuff again but also managed to capture those bandits. I can't help but be impressed by their destructive nature every time."

The white-haired laughed slightly.

"As to be expected of those two!"

"By the way, who are you?" , the other woman asked.

It was obvious that she was asking him but like all those times he didn't answer her. Just like he didn't answer Mirajane. The Lucy-woman was probably frowning at him right now because the waitress quickly said:

"He doesn't speak. We tried but to no avail, he won't answer."

"Oh. Why is that?"

"I don't know. He came in here three days ago, covered in blood and crying. I let him use the shower and change his clothes but since then he didn't move at all. Wait, he did tell the Master he was 'lost'. No doubt something went terribly wrong in his life."

How they could just chat about him when he was right next to them was one of the things on Allen's list of things he didn't understand, right after the whole letting him sit here thing. What did they know anyway? Something went 'terribly wrong in his life'. As if, something came _crushing_ his whole world, scarring not only his body but his soul too. And it takes much time for the soul to recover from such a shock, maybe it never will. Allen shook his head mentally, trying to banish bad memories. He wouldn't cry anymore. Lucy gasped and he turned his attention back to the two women.

"You tell me he didn't eat? Didn't drink?"

"As far as I know he didn't even sleep."

"A wonder he's still alive" , she muttered.

"What was that, stripper!?" , a male suddenly shouted.

"You heard me, flame brain! Or did your flames melt away the tiny rest that's left of your brain!?" , another shouted. Immediately Allen was reminded of his and Kanda's usual clashes. They would also always insult each other and fight over the simplest things until Lenalee stopped them. He felt the urge to turn around and wondered why he'd want to do that now when all he did the past days was to stare at a counter. He didn't need to see two men throwing insults at each other.

Strangely enough, Allen did turn around after all and looked over, hearing his back crack from the movement. It hurt a little bit but that wasn't surprising. That's what you get when you don't move for three days. A few gasps were heard upon noticing him move. The bickering males of course didn't notice or simply didn't care. The exorcist was still wondering why he turned around to watch two quarreling men. He watched a pink-haired and a black-haired man throw punches at each other for a while. Just like him and Kanda. Despite not wanting to cry anymore he felt those well known salty drops threatening to spill and soon one fell. And this one followed many others as he was silently sobbing. He was so sick of crying but his body seemed to seek relief of his sorrow and this was the only way of doing so. Why couldn't he just set up a fake smile like he always did?

"Look Natsu, Gray! You made him cry!" , Lucy shouted loudly and the two men looked towards her, baffled at the sight of the crying white-haired mess. Allen couldn't help it. Kanda was one of his best friends and when the fact that he really wasn't there slapped him in the face again he couldn't help but cry. That was his explanation. A comforting hand patted his shoulder, Wendy quietly trying to sooth him. Meanwhile Natsu and Gray blamed each other for making Allen cry until a red-haired knight hit their heads and commanded them to apologize. Rubbing their heads the mages made their way over to him.

"I-" , the pinkette started but felt a sharp elbow slam into his side. He glared at Gray before continuing: "Uh, I mean, _we_ are sorry!"

The mage next to him nodded.

"We're sorry" , he repeated.

This reminded Allen of yet _another _thing and he was getting sick of it. He just wanted his friends back, wanted to laugh with them, joke with them... He so desperately wanted them back! And those two only made it worse. They said they'll forever be with him. It didn't help him one bit. He shook his head for the hundreds time. He shouldn't stay here. Determined he shakily stood up and attempted to walk to the door. Midway his head began to spin and he kneeled down, fearing to fall if he didn't. He might couldn't die, but that didn't mean not eating and sleeping wouldn't have an effect on him. He slowly rose but darkness began to seep in his vision. The spinning wouldn't stop. Allen felt miserable. With a soft 'thud' he fell to the ground, letting the comforting darkness take over his sight, passing out.

**A/N:**

Hello! Here is the second chapter of 'Broken'. I don't really know where I'm going with this story yet. I have a few ideas but there are still plot holes I must fill. Sadly, this chapter is only about 1,000 words long. I don't know how some authors can upload 16,000 words chapters daily.  
Anyway, my pathetic excuse is that I wrote three class test this week (Latin, German and Spanish), so I was busy.


	4. Chapter 3

**_A/N:_**

Hello guys. I'm sorry for my long absence. I just didn't have time to write. This chapter is also not very long but I hope you enjoy anyway.

_Blood... Blood everywhere... coloring the walls, devouring the ground... Cries for help... Screams filled with pain..._

"_Keep on walking"_

_Wicked faces... Merciless tormentors... More pain..._

"_We'll forever be with you"_

_Silence... The end of the war... At the cost of his world..._

"_Don't forget that."_

Suddenly Allen woke up shaking terribly. His eyes were wide open as he hugged his knees with sweat running down his spine. It was just a dream. The memories of _that_ day haunting his mind. That's why he didn't want to sleep. He couldn't defend himself from them, he was helpless in his sleep. He kicked the blanket away and sprang up. With one hand he supported himself on a nearby shelf, with the other he wiped the sweat on his forehead away. A new headache was coming.

'At least I'm finally awake.'

Only then he noticed that he was in an infirmary. Everything was white and cold and the air smelled strange. But right now that didn't matter. He should leave as soon as possible. Back then he used to go on little walks if he had to clear his mind and calm down, so maybe he should try it now too. Slowly he walked to the door and opened it. He was met with a corridor as cold as his room with more doors. At the end was a glass door with a sign saying 'urgent emergency'. Why 'urgent emergency'? Weren't emergencies always urgent? Allen just pushed that thought aside and headed to the door. Behind it were six beds, three on one side, three on the other. There again was a door but this one was made out of wood. It didn't seem to fit in with it's surroundings. Carved in was a symbol and strangely enough it looked like a fairy. Surely it was Fairy Tail's emblem. Which meant behind this door must be something from Fairy Tail. Allen shrugged and opened it just to be met with the usual guild life. Wow, this door sure was sound-proof. Nobody seemed to have noticed him, so he sneaked to the big entrance. There was no need for the guild to know that he was awake. But luck wasn't with him as he was stopped by the red-haired knight he saw the other day. Assuming that he only slept for a day.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Away? He thought it was obvious with how he sneaked away.

"..."

"You're right Mira, he really doesn't speak."  
The whole guild was looking at them now and it was unnerving him. The knight guided him to the bar and not-so-kindly pushed him on a bar stool. Lucy and the men, Natsu and Gray, also sat there.

"Tell me, why did you want to leave without even thanking us?"

"Erza, I don't think-" , the blonde said.

"That's very rude. And you also don't seem to be completely fit yet."

Of course he knew his behavior was wrong. Of course he knew it was rude. Allen hung his head low as a sign of apology and opened his mouth, trying to speak. Instead, he began to violently cough. Mirajane hurried to get some water and handed it to him. The exorcist shakily downed the water and the coughing stopped. After composing himself he attempted speaking again. He should at least thank these people for their help.

"I-I" , he stuttered.

Immediately everyone perked up their ears.

"T-Thank you..."

"So you can speak!" , Lucy exclaimed.

Allen nodded. His throat hurt from the coughing and the knight still held him in place. What should he do?

"Why didn't you speak sooner?" , she asked in a soft voice.

Well, that's one of the things he was also asking himself. Why didn't he speak sooner? After all he told the Master he was lost, so it was unlogical that he didn't answer any of their questions after that. Was he really that out of it? He didn't think the death of his family would hit him that hard after everything he's been through. It really hurt when he thought about it back then in the Black Order but whenever he saw his friends all those thoughts about death disappeared. _It'd never happen anyway. _If only he knew how wrong he was. Nobody thought the Noah had that much power or how strong the Earl really was. Nor did they think that they would directly attack them. Looking back it was logical though. Most of the strong exorcist were on solo missions, so if they all attacked one of them at a time, victory was sure to be theirs. Allen should have been more careful. He shouldn't have discarded his negative thoughts so easily. But there was nothing he could do now. He should look ahead and make sure those terrible things won't happen again! Overcoming sorrow and blame however is harder than one can imagine. It weighs you down, it makes you feel awful. So awful that you just want to die to make it stop. Your life doesn't have any meaning left anyway, so why live? Nobody would care if you just disappeared. You only bring misfortune to those around you. The world would be better of without you. It's your fault any of this happened in the first place. Breaking out of this misery was an impossible thing to do alone.

Erza seemed to realize that he didn't intend to answer soon, so she quietly moved away to leave the white-haired boy to his thoughts. If he really lived through something terrible he needed time to accept it and move on. The knight very well knew it. That he spoke was already a step in the right direction. They would soon enough know what happened to the stranger. And Fairy Tail would make sure to help him on his way! Well, at least Team Natsu. She could see that the dragon slayer found a liking on him, she couldn't really see why though.


End file.
